literature

Blood Is Thicker Than Vodka

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Kay-Johanna's avatar
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Published:
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Literature Text

Sweet, bitter, sour
in that order please
every day the same.

From the moment i wake,
eyes full of hope
heart full of sun

Till the moment i drop,
eyes burned
heart singed

Every god damn day the same.

Bleed sunshine
Bleed gold
Bleed strength
Bleed truth
Bleed for your mother
Your father, your brother.

Drink purity
Drink joyfulness
Drink gratitude
Drink yesterday
Drown for your mother
Your father, your brother.

"You look ill"
They say.
You just look on and on
and on.

They call you lazy,
They call you tired,
They call you pale.

Liars!

I'm just lost,
I'm just guilty,
I'm just nobody's to hold.

"I'm just between words"
you say.
They just look on and on
and on.

When the rest of the world passes
Every single one a stranger,
Not a shadow, a glint,
a dare in their eye,
It all comes down to this;



"Blood is thicker than vodka."
...

do you think this would work better as two seperate poems?

how could i improve the flow? do the verses work in the order i have written or could you suggest how to rearrange it to make the understanding better?

thanks for all your help! :glomp: :kitty:
© 2010 - 2024 Kay-Johanna
Comments5
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kittylivers's avatar
:iconthewrittenrevolution:
I like this, but I think it would work better as two different poems.

I feel like the break between "Bleed for you mother" and "You look ill" is a really big gap, and I don't feel the unity between those two parts.

That being said, I love some of your lines.
"I'm just between words"
you say.

I like this contrasted with what "they're" saying, it works really well.

"Blood is thicker than vodka."
Really wonderful ending.